"go on the roadtrip with terr, kat, viv and damo. then i can't wait to
start my final year of uni, work and earn money for my car. i can't
wait to get back to life. hate to admit it, but i also can't wait to
see richard again...in reality that is. where he's not on the other
side of the world, where he's not harbouring love for a summer fling,
where i'm not hating and loving him at the same time. i can't wait to
talk to him again as two normal people, as friends.
i'm okay. this is as okay as i can be at this stage.
20 is probably a big step. 20s milestone. more is expected of you, and
i guess, it's time to step up to that. it's the last year to have fun
as a teen. this is youth as it is. have fun celebrating. maybe opt for
something a bit more lowkey this year? go out with only your close
friends? we love the attention, but save that for the 21st."
i received another futureme letter.
ah.
hey it's absolutely painfully hilarious and awkward that richard PRIVATE messaged me on fb to wish me a happy birthday. what? like he still doesnt feel comfortable enough to fb comment me publicly? nor does he feel close enough to me anymore to email me? are we really not friends anymore??
so i said to don, so what is it? does he not want to be my friend? and don's all, no no i know he does im sure of it. he sometimes asks about you and how you're doing - i tell him that you're fine and that you like it in romania.
the point that bothers me, is that why cant richard ask me that himself? why rely on don for that trivial piece of information? why not have it within him to speak to me normally like we used to? if he don't care, then why ask about me at all? just stop. just stop caring.
don made a point that friendship can go to relationship but it doesnt work the other way around. richard had looked him in the eye and point blanked disagreed. of course, don told me this to relate it back to me.
i think it's terrible whatever it is. richard used to always reiterate that friendship post-relo was practially impossible. tension never dies.
perhaps we were trying really hard before and that's why we were always in each other's faces, but who is even trying anymore? he quit.
so on this trip away, i really had time to think. didnt think about richard, didnt think about how painful it's all been. just enjoyed my time in bran.
things always look up for a while, then something awlays happens.
but im getting there.
nowi just have to make don stop talking about richard, cos i dont give a shit. i dont want to hear about any of that. i dont care.
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